jake bane ( can be approved now)

Name: Jake “eagle” bane
Age: 17
Gender: guy

Faction: minority,X solder
Occupation: none
Class:

Equipment: two swords one a katana and the other a long sword
Magical ability: none
Specialty moves:

Limit break: 0

Physical Appearance: Blue eyes height: 6’1 weight 100 lbs, muscular, works out daily blonde shaggy hair
Clothing: armor, pants, and a sheath for his sword.

Personality: bright, but a jerk very laid back and calm
Likes: walks in the woods, , beating up criminals, sleeping, drinking, eating and polishing his sword
Dislikes: shinra, crying children, pickpockets, murderers and people who think there the best of the best
Outlook: pessimist
Goals: to destroy Shinra
Alignment (adding this) neutral good

History: Jakes parents were criminals (but he didn’t know) and were killed by a assassin hired by Shinra corps leader to kill the criminals. Jake, now on his own was frequently beat up. one day while visiting his old home, he found his fathers swords and practiced until he was a master. Then shinra asked him to join and he said yes. One day he saw the assasin in Shinra armor. Now bent on destroying shinra, he killed the assasin an was branded a outlaw. He is now looking for people to help him.

A. you sited a cannon character in your history (that's a no no)
B. you said he had magical ability in his history, none is present in the character
C. you need to EXPLAIN his moves in MUCH greater DETAIL!!!
D. outlook is any combination (or just one) of these: Optimist (glass half full), Pessimist (glass half empty), Realist (some one has to wash that), Idealist (In a perfect world it would be all the way full), Opportunist (how can I use this glass of water to my advantage?) I am a Pessimistic idealist
E. 2 occupations?
F. Unnecessary skipping of lines
G. if I didnt have alignment in the original character sheet I meant to include it
H. did not list dislikes (you didnt even put it in the sheet)
I. much MUCH to short

edited

A. you didnt skip ANY lines
B. whats he puting the matera in? Also if he just found some matera that is NOT ability thats someing hes holding
C. you milited some moves, changed others and added some but you EXPLAINED none of them
D. holes in the history

edited

you only fixed A....

((custom weapons need looking at))

edited

what did you change?

I approve.

ok!!!

I apologize for my inactivity but I was under the impression that this site had died

its ok, as you can see shadgon joined

you two think alike (^_^)

lol youre right

how so?